Imagine this: you buy some milk and put it in the fridge for your morning coffee in the office. By late afternoon, most of the milk has mysteriously evaporated. By the next day, all you have are fumes … steaming out your ears!

So how do you stop people from stealing your milk? Here are a few ideas …

Be kind – write a note, labelling the milk as yours.

Be slightly unkind – write a note, labelling the milk as yours and stating that you are not a charity.

Be unkind – write a note, labelling the milk as yours, stating that you are not a charity and that you dipped your finger in it (but don’t do it).

Be gross – write a note, labelling the milk as yours, stating that you are not a charity and that you dipped your finger in it, after you stuck it in your ear (and do it!).

But sometimes people just don’t read, or really don’t mind a bit of extra flavour in their morning coffee. So what do you do then?

Be malicious with a warning – follow the ‘Be Gross’ step, and add a few drops of chilli extract. One way of getting this wonderful ingredient is by getting a few extremely hot chilli’s. Forget the western types, get down to China Town and look for the Asian strains. Slice and dice and boil in a bit of water. Skim the surface and there you have it.

However, some people may not be as sensitive to chilli’s as you would want them to be. And besides, it might just change the colour or smell of the milk. Don’t despair; you could always try the next idea …

Be evil – Pure evil comes without warning. This works best with condensed milk as fresh milk is easily detectable when spoilt. Leave the milk at room temperature till it slightly turns bad. Make sure that the change in smell is negligible and there aren’t any noticeable changes in texture. Place the milk in the fridge as if it was still fresh. Alternatively, mix a bit of spoilt milk together with your new milk in the fridge.

It may take a while for people to get the message, but when they do your milk should be safe from then on. Care should be taken, however, not to over-do anything harmful … but that said, serves them right for stealing from you now, doesn’t it?

Note: The Author absolutely does NOT condone any gross, malicious or evil actions in solving problems of any kind. Talk to them and if all else fails, just stop bringing milk to the office. Sooner or later somebody else will start bringing the goods … steal theirs!